UPDATE: CHARCOAL THE GOAT SHOWED UP THIS MORNING WITH HIS MOM. He must have been sleeping in the overgrown wild pumpkin plants close by.

My heart is crying and I’m so tired nothing will come out of my eyes. I currently can’t sleep. I prayed, I searched. There is nothing else to do right now but I still can’t sleep. I am so incredibly tired inside: tired of loss after loss; tired of not seeming to have a way to fix it; tired of constant lack of any way forward and rising prices on everything only making it worse… But let me breathe for a minute and start from the beginning.

A few days ago, we had the amazing news of our goat, brownie, becoming a first time mom. In fact, I had the privilege of being there for the delivery. She needed no help. Our girl is a natural.

We have brought the little goat inside every night to protect it: mainly from the cold, but we have been concerned that some hungry dog (the pet dogs here are much more wild than back home) may think it looks like an appetizing meal.

Tonight, we went out to bring charcoal inside after he should have been finished drinking milk from his mother, and there is no charcoal to be found.

My heart sank. Albert’s heart sank. We knew he must be close by so we searched close to his mother but with no success. Up and down our hill we searched over and over. It got dark and there is no way to search the nearby Maize fields in the dark. It would be extremely difficult at their current height and thickness even during the day.

I walked around listening for movement. Nothing. We searched and searched amongst Albert’s bricks drying down hill from our place. He should not have wandered that far but he is not within sight close either.

That goat has the ability to hide and he is almost pure black so my one hope is that he is sleeping under the pumpkin leaves that are growing wild near where his mother is sleeping. My concern however, is that a predator or another human may have gotten to him.

Goat snatching is not unheard of in my area even with grown goats. People have stolen goats from neighbors in the past and tried to sell them as their own. Now, that being said, I don’t believe anyone stole him from us. I am more concerned about the larger dogs of our area.

Our dog did not make almost a sound tonight, and usually he does if anything barring wild animals are around. That makes me wonder if charcoal has been snatched by a larger animal. The monitor lizards aren’t active at night. Owls don’t seem like they would be able to carry off a goat but I don’t know much about birds. Eagles? Kites? There are monkeys here that will rip in to a chicken but a goat, I don’t know and these things are not easy to research. There really isn’t much written on the subject online. It’s much easier to research first world problems than the very real issues that seem to haunt us every day lately out here.

My heart is tired after the turkey and now a goat we can’t find… Three days after celebrating and we are not even sure if we need to allow ourselves to grieve or not?

And a fence. Albert and I have been planning a fence for some time but now I can’t get that fence off my mind. A fence would have prevented our turkey disaster. A fence a couple years ago would have saved us from losing over 60 chickens so far to disease: a project that we now realize cannot work until we have a fence to protect them from the neighbor birds. A fence would save our goats from predators, and other neighbors crops from our birds’ hungry beaks. We could turn our fowl operation in to a real source of food and some money. We could prevent most of the loss we have suffered from our animals.

For now, I don’t know what to do. A fence is so needed, but so is electricity, and so is fundraising for monthly support so I can feed and clothe my family.

Forgive my weakness, but I’m just going to be real with you right now. Everyone has moments. Missions is hard right now. Missions is hard not becasue I don’t love doibg God’s work becasue in that I THRIVE. Missions is hard becasue one has to rely on the generosity of others. Missions is hard becasue the need doesn’t seem to stop. Missions is hard becasue one is constantly evaluating which basic human need they can go without so that they can get by for now.

We are going to build a fence. I don’t know how we will get the supplies, but we WILL get the supplies. Everything we EVER put before God in prayer He, Jehovah Jireh, our provider, comes through for us. He always has and he always will.

The Bible says, in Jeremiah 29:11, “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.”

Hold to the word of God becasue that is his promise to me, and God never ever lies or falls short of his promises. I have emotions but I also have a great great God who hears and answers, and he WILL come through. He is faithful.

We have many needs, but God already knows how he will provide for each of them.